4.21 – The stages of grief

ScreenshotMax’s POV

I tugged on the rope as Mimi tugged right back. My puppy was definitely the best puppy.

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“You are a very nice and calm puppy,” Sariel said as Rosa obediently sniffed her hand.

“Where’s the fun in that?” I asked as Mimi nearly tore out the rope.

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“Fun? Where’s the fun in taking out your dogs teeth?” Sariel countered.

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“Yeah right! Grandpa wouldn’t have bought this if that’s what it did!” I argued.

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“I see daddy!” Mary wobbled past us.

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I stomped in front of her.

“No.” I growled. Shocked she fell onto her butt.

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Sariel bent down.

“We can’t bother daddy, remember?”

The little brat looked away.

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“And it’s all because of you!” I angrily said, roughly turning her around.

“It’s your fault dad is like this, and it’s your fault mom died. If you hadn’t been there, that woman wouldn’t have attacked us! I don’t care if we have the same dad! You dumb kid!” I yelled. It was all her fault! And her mom’s so that made double fault! Her lower lip was starting to quiver.

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Mary began to cry and Sariel, as usual, took her defense.

“Max! Don’t say stuff like that!”

“But it’s true!” I argued.

“Not it isn’t!”

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“Max.” Of course, now grandma has to come.

“Grandma! Max said mean things to Mary again!” Sariel tattle taled.

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“Max, you should know by now-” Grandma started to say, but I was really angry now.

“It’s not fair! Now because of her I’ll also get punished! It’s all that annoying baby’s fault!” Mary’s cries subsided.

It wasn’t fair!

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I wanted to rage when I saw Mary, even though I warned her, go in dad’s room.

***

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Cain’s POV

My eyes were open, but I didn’t see my dark room. I could only see grandma, grandpa, Clarice and Irene’s faces. Most of them died because of me. Maybe I should’ve accepted the offer. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to save my family. If I hadn’t Irene could still be alive.

I feel so empty.

I’ve lost notion of time, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. All I can do is stare at the ceiling. Maybe it’ll open up and swallow me whole.

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The door swung open and a waddling of feet was heard.

“Grandma she went in!” I barely heard Max’s voice before the door closed again.

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“Ooh pretty!” Mary giggled. I followed her gaze to the last painting Irene had drawn.

The painting was meaningless to me. I barely knew what it was supposed to represent.

But something in me broke.

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I sat on the bed and cried. I hadn’t ever cried before. I cried tears of frustration, of sadness and of hopelessness.

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The door opened again and dad came in.

“Come on squirt.” He said as he picked Mary.

The tears wouldn’t stop flowing and my shoulders couldn’t stop shaking.

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“Cain.” My dad started to say.

“Leave me alone.” I croaked out. I didn’t want company right now.

Without another word he left.

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I barely kept track of time. I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom and I stayed in my room. I would count dots, read books without really reading them.  I made my bed, I unmade it. I took baths and I took care of myself physically. I did pushups after reading a book; I took a run when the room felt stuffy. But emotionally…I was broken. Probably more than Mary’s  mother had been.

I don’t know when, but one day Melody came to visit me.

“I’ve been living here. You probably didn’t notice. Your family…no your kids told me not to come see you. Can you believe that? I know how far you’ve fallen Cain, I know what you’ve suffered, but don’t you think you should get back up now? You’re bringing us down with you. We all love you. We just want to have you around more.” She waited for me to say something.

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Sunlight started to stream through the window. Was it morning? Or maybe a cloud had blocked the light. I could look, but at the same time I can’t.

“I feel like I’m talking to a comatose. Something apparently dad was at some point. Which wasn’t your fault, of course, but look at him now! Laughing like he never got shot. I know you lost a lot of people, and I can’t say I know what you feel. I miss our grandparents, and I guess I miss Clarice too, but I didn’t see their deaths first hand.”

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Melody sighed.

“I’m just waiting for you to see the three kids you have in the living room.”

Unfortunately I had fallen asleep.

***

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Falling into my day to day routine, I examined which book to take. I didn’t really care which, but the time it took for me to choose was time I didn’t need to think about anything else.

“Don’t go in!” Max said under his breath.

“Dad!” Sariel’s crying voice reached my ears.

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Maybe that’s all that was needed, but seeing my daughter’s crying face snapped me out of my trance.

“Daddy…” She said between sobs. “People at school…said you were going…to kill yourself!”

It all hit me in a second and I hugged my daughter.

I’d never felt so guilty in my life. More than the guilt I felt for the deaths of my family members.

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I’d been neglecting my children.

And upon seeing my son’s face before he ran off, I’d neglected them a lot more than I should’ve.

About blamsart

♪They say it's what you make♪ I say it's up to fate ♪It's woven in my soul♪ I need to let you go♪ -- Demons by Imagine Dragons
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14 Responses to 4.21 – The stages of grief

  1. Aww, I’m all caught up. 😦

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  2. brainofivane says:

    Wow… that was depressing. 😥 But you’ve succeeded in making me feel deeply for your characters. This is incredible… I’m wondering how Cain will bounce back from this. He needs to.

    Gosh… still so sad over what happened to Irene. 😦

    Like

  3. Livvielove says:

    Just an FYI, I’m still going to comment, even though I probably shouldn’t be allowed to (Promise it’s my midterm brain). You’re going to get an influx of comments. I have a whole like.. generation and a half of comments to catch up on and at least 2-3 more generations to read and comment on after that. XD

    So, now that that’s out of the way, Cain will always be #1 in my heart. His reaction to grief was just heartbreaking and real. 😦 I already know what happens, but even still I feel so terribly for him.

    Liked by 1 person

    • blamsart says:

      You know 2-3 generations doesn’t sound like much considering the length of my first 3 lol, but those last ones are HUGE! my god
      Cain was a gift….and well I suppose he was ahead of his time too.

      Like

      • Livvielove says:

        If it makes you feel any better, in my original version of the story, my generation 6 was like… 3 times the length of every other generation… not even the intermission I did for Majnun… Including that? That was… even longer.
        Thus far Cain is my favorite. I loved Sariel and Zyla, but something about Cain’s story just puts him in the number 1 spot for me. Still on like… chapter 3 or 4 of James though, so we’ll see if he tops my love for Cain (it’s the hair me thinks. 😉 Dat pink hair dough…

        Liked by 1 person

        • blamsart says:

          I have mixed feelings. I think it’s because I’m getting closer to the end of this legacy so i’m just piling chapter after chapter to delay the inevitable XD
          (I’m really loving the idea of seeing Majnun in every generation. At first I thought he was supposed to be evil? But if he is or isn’t doesn’t really seem to matter because he’s awesome either way!)
          I always say this,(even i think im getting repetitive) but James and Cain are my tops (and hopefully my gen.9 is going to be JUST as awesome) for so many reasons I will probably end up elaborating on when you’ve read more of gen.7 because, like most writers, I can’t help but talk about my characters. But essentially I started gen.7 thinking, this is going to surpass gen.4, and well in my opinion it did pretty darn well with those standards.

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          • Livvielove says:

            Majnun is… morally gray. He’s not a good person, but he’s not a bad person either.
            Though honestly I would say he’s a much better person than he is a bad person.
            He’s telling me I’m ruining his image right now so I’ll stop. XD
            I know how you feel about not wanting it to end. I’ve already played to the “end” of my Legacy as well, and it was just hard for the last few moments up until my 10th generation was raised. For what it’s worth, your writing has improved greatly (not that it was bad at all to begin with, but I can see how much time you put into your stories and screenshots and I admire that a lot).
            For what it’s worth, I could literally talk about my characters (and talk *in* my character’s voices) all day. They consume my mind. I’ll be sitting at work and people-watching and thinking of all the ways my characters would react to or approach something.
            I’m getting really excited to read James’s generation. It looks a little intense with how many chapters there are, but that just means more love to go around. I can’t *wait* to read it and enjoy it as I go. I’ll actually be able to comment (mostly) as I go too, so I won’t be spamming your poor inbox with all of my messages in one night.

            Liked by 1 person

            • blamsart says:

              Lol he has a reputation to uphold XD
              Same, same, same. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
              It’s a full-time hobby!
              I always feel more like a pawn than a god when I write. I literally cannot write any of my characters doing something out of character. They’ll harass me and ask me what the hell I’m writing and then control my fingers to fix the problem. I’ve very recently written a chapter in which a character who’s undergone an incredible amount of character developpement somehow, without my knowing, managed to protect themselves against any bombs I could’ve tried to hurl at them, because they’re just that used to dealing with my cr*p. As in, I started to get ideas and realised they warded themselves against them in the last chapter. I love them to death.
              (i find it funny that I find James’ generation to be short plot wise compared to the others now XD. I never intend to finish this legacy in reality.)

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              • Livvielove says:

                Oh! More than 10 generations? You should. Just keep going! The Whitelights will live forever!
                My characters are the same way. My darling friend/collaboration partner and I joke that our characters *hiss* at us when we make them do something out of character.
                I just… whenever I’m writing something that isn’t in their character I just don’t FEEL right. Like I get a bad feeling about it and I usually can’t go forward with it. Majnun is ridiculous in that he’s my only character who honestly *never* tells me anything. I really just let him be and he does his thing and it always turns out, somehow. He’s got great judge of character and he’s never been wrong. I once loved a character to death, I was all about that Character… but Majnun *hated* him. I was so confused… and then as the character’s well… character developed… I *loathed* him and Majnun was just laughing at me, saying “I told you so.”
                I joke he’s driving the bus, but it’s actually more serious than that. XD
                Oh, and I’m sure James’s story will go by faster for me than I hope, but it just means I’ll have more good to read! I’m excited to catch up with everyone so I can finally be all in the loop. XD

                Liked by 1 person

                • blamsart says:

                  Naahhh I couldn’t….I’ve had the end of this legacy planned out for too long to extend it. I was more thinking along the lines of a stand alone story with a new family, but with some whitelight photobombing…Anyway it’ll be cool! (even if we don’t get frontline whitelights) And my little sister managed to somehow squeeze all the spoilers out of me and she thinks my plans are going to be pretty badass too.
                  Ooh that’s really interesting. I’ve honestly never had that happen to me. I’ve always had an unnatural love for all my characters regardless of how they feel for each other. Or more well, I’ve never had a majnun predict how a character will turn out lol :P. (though I have had characters I’ve created to be awesome, yet always had that weird nagging feeling something was wrong, and then well, they did THINGS)
                  I love the relationship you have with Majnun. I’ve always been closer with my heirs, especially when writing them, but they never live forever ;-;
                  And the one character who does, well…she’s never really liked me enough to talk to me. (but i mean i can’t blame her considering)

                  AH CHARACTERS, I call them extensions of my soul
                  (there’s so much to say about these darlings, but mustn’t abuse comment space)

                  Like

  4. I hate that his family isolated him. I hate that his family thought he’d be better off alone. Yes, of course, he’s mourning, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sit with him quietly. That doesn’t mean you can’t hold him while he cries. Telling Cain’s children not to bother him did nothing to help him.

    And then Melody’s comment about him bringing them down? I know she didn’t mean it with malevolent intention, but what an awful thing to say to someone. As if Cain was doing this on purpose! I am happy, however, that she found the request to leave Cain alone ridiculous, because it was. He needed them more than ever, even if he felt like pushing them away.

    The fact that his daughter’s hug brought him back to reality is just more proof that he needed them. I’m glad he has them now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. *Mpart* says:

    I’m mourning along with him. Poor Cain. His kids…oh his kids. Poor Mary…she didn’t ask for this.

    Liked by 1 person

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