7.45 – Unworthy

James’ POV

I sprung up from my bed, slightly out of breath and searched the room for Xavier. Seeing him I instantly calmed down, letting out a small breath.

I’d had another nightmare again. I’m strong and I’m powerful. I shouldn’t have nightmares like these.

It’s been a week since I beat Assaria, and it’s been a week since I’ve been dreaming either Assaria or Velor kidnapped Xavier.

I got up (almost losing my balance, I was feeling a bit disoriented) and walked over to my kids crib. He was wide awake silently fidgeting in his bed. Assaria is downstairs, powerless and locked behind bars. Velor ran off.

Maybe that’s why I’m on edge, I have no idea where Velor is. Yes I’m more powerful when it comes to a mind control combat, but, I hate to admit it, he’s more cunning. He’s also more prone to cheap shots. He brought a gun last time! And even though I’d gotten control of his mind, he’d had the time to control the weapon. The sooner I take care of him the better.

I picked my son up and just as I lifted him out of the crib he decided to cry. I usually put him right back down since I’d so clearly disturbed him, but this time his cries sounded a little different. They were slightly distorted…with a hopeful smile I leaned my right ear towards Xavier.

It was faint, but it was there. I could just barely hear my son crying. The doctor hadn’t lied, my ear really was healing.

I placed Xavier back in his crib before he stopped as I heard the bed sheets rustle as Kyxa woke up. If Xavier stopped crying in my arms, he’d just start all over again the moment I put him back in his crib. At least this way it was the other way around.

 

I flopped onto the bed.

“You look like a great dad when you hold him.” Kyxa said, stifling a yawn. I gave a small smile. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel like one. That kid’s been taken from me too many times, I don’t know what I’d do if he was kidnapped again under my watch. And it’s something Velor would do. He’d definitely do something like that.

I’m not really a dad if I’m having doubts about raising my own kid. I don’t do much. Kyxa is the one who found all the accessories; she was really hyped about it too. I do feed him and change him, but so does Kyxa. Hell, Xavier’s not even her son and she does more than I do! Sometimes I wonder if he’d be better off with my parents or something of the like. Whenever I hold Xavier I know without a doubt I want to keep the kid, but then I put him down and I start having trouble picturing him growing up here.

On top of that, Kyxa is the only one who knows about Xavier. For some reason, I can’t bring myself to tell mom, dad or any of my siblings. Every time I’m answering an email it feels wrong to suddenly announce I’m a dad.

 

Kyxa must’ve noticed my mood drop, since a look of concern replaced her half-awake look.

“Is it Velor? Do you sense him around?” Kyxa asked. She was as nervous about him as I was. I shook my head and she let out a small breath. “Good.”

This was stressful. We were just waiting for him to come to us, but we didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Not only did we have no idea in which direction he’d gone, but even if we did know we’d have to bring everyone with us as we searched the towns for Velor. It wouldn’t just be Kyxa and I, we’d also have Xavier, the Weapon, and Assaria tagging along. It’d be a little too dangerous.

“Are you okay?” Kyxa asked. I nodded and gave her a peck on the lips.

 

“Alright then.” Kyxa said, clearly only half-convinced. “I’m going to go make some breakfast.”

She stretched and got off the bed.

Just at that moment Xavier decided he wasn’t happy in his crib anymore and started to cry. Well, seems I know what I’m going to do.

 

Rocky bounded up the steps at the sounds of Xavier’s cries. He eagerly sniffed the crib, still not used to the new addition. Slightly annoyed I shoved him to the side, and he sat down. He resigned himself to glancing between me and the crib as I picked up Xavier.

Kyxa let out a chuckle as she went down the stairs.

***

 

I opened the email from Lance.

Yeah well, the situation’s calmed down for us too. Now that Assaria Clavez isn’t walking around destroying towns we aren’t on edge as much about that anymore. Unfortunately there’s been a rumor of a serial killer in the town next door since a few bodies washed up on the river’s shore in the last few days. We’re worried the killer, if there is one, might come and visit us. Let’s hope the cops next door can clear up whatever’s happening.

So, you found the Weapon. Yeah, I assumed you weren’t going to hand it over to us. But that’s fine, I think it’s better with you now anyways. We wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves against Velor. Most of our staff is comprised of naturals and the supernaturals we have are weak.

I’d like to ask you a favor however.

Can you let me see Jane?

The question almost seemed to have a desperate connotation. It seemed really weird to think of my big brother as desperate. I don’t see why I can’t let him see her.

 

But that meant he’d meet Xavier.

Well, it’s about time I told my family about him. I answered Lance, telling him to come on over when he wanted to.

Kyxa lifted Xavier up, blowing on his tummy with a huge smile. She’d make a great mother, and I have a pretty definitive feeling she wants to be one, but she hasn’t voiced it yet.

Something I’m glad about. I don’t want more kids. Not when I’m not sure I should even raise the one I have. And especially not if I still haven’t caught Velor. More children just means more liabilities.

I caught myself staring at the tattoo on Kyxa’s stomach. She hadn’t yet told me what it meant.

 

I signed the question at her and the basic sign language she’d been learning was enough for her to understand.

“Funny you should ask about that one, it’s the one I don’t know anything about.” Kyxa replied.

 

“I mean, I know exactly what that means,” She said pointing to the triangle on her left ankle. “That’s my protection against fortune telling, and the one of my other foot is the one that makes me fire proof. But this one is the only mystery.”

She finished, pointing at the weird dragon shaped tattoo.

***

 

Lance’s POV

“You locked her up?” Was the first thing I said when I saw James’ underground prison. Such a sweet girl shouldn’t be locked up. She should be able to roam outside and have fun. I turned to my brother.

‘Would you rather she accidently killed one of us?’ James signed. I had a good few arguments I could use, but the look my younger brother was giving me made me decide against it. James had changed, and my cop experience told me he was pretty much borderline. If he wasn’t focusing only Assaria and Velor, he’d be worthy of being a criminal. But I doubt James would become that type of person, not with the mother we have.

“Such bad living conditions as well. What are we supposed to do here? Count the dots on the ceiling? We could at least have a t.v.” The witch complained. James gave her a quick glare and she was quick to stop talking. I’m not too sure if he controlled her or if she stopped because she was scared…

 

James led me to Jane’s cell and then he leaned on the wall, looking away to give me some sort of privacy.

I sighed internally. Poor child. She looks like she’s having one hell of a daydream, I feel kind of bad for wanting to interrupt her.

 

I knocked on the bars anyways and her eyes snapped open. When they met mine I motioned for her to come forwards. She did so, climbing off the jail bed with her eyes wide and curious.

She was just a child.

 

 

As she came over I grasped her hands in mine.

I felt incredibly guilty towards her. Maybe if I dedicated my life to her I could’ve helped her…but I didn’t come here for that. And that made me feel a little guilty as well.

This poor child whom no one seems to understand is something I need to let go of. I wish I didn’t have to, but it’s for my own good. James might view her as only a weapon, but he won’t use her recklessly and he won’t treat her badly.

I need to make amends for what I couldn’t do, and for what I still won’t be able to do.

Holding her hands firmly, I finally apologized for my incapability. “I’m sorry.” There was so much more I wanted to say, but those words were the only thing that came out.

 

Jane smiled at me, her face reflecting her childlike innocence.

“Lance.”

She’d said my name. Just simply my name with a small smile at the end, and even though I looked and usually felt older…in that one second I felt like she’d said my name to comfort me. To tell me she didn’t blame me and that it was okay.

 

And that made me sad. It broke my heart to the point where I wanted to cry.

This is a mystery I need to let go of and somehow she’s sensed it.

 

This sweet girl who’s lived as a child longer than any normal adult has…

I pity her yet I admire her.

She looks like she has the world on her shoulders and I wish I could’ve taken that burden from her. But I wasn’t the one for the job. I hope someone will see you for who you truly are Jane, and then maybe you’ll finally get the peace you deserve in this messed-up world.