Warning: Child abuse Pg-13
This is the song Xavier is humming to :
And this is the song I was listening to on repeat for most of this chapter:
Even if I’d gotten a stern lecture when I got back home, even if I’d gotten about three hours of sleep, even if I woke up with that nauseating feeling I get from time to time, even if I just hugged Charlie goodbye wishing him luck at his job, even if I had all those things to easily bring me down…
I was walking with a little jump in my step, I had a smile stuck on my face and I was humming a song that was stuck in my head as I flipped Jupiter’s brush in my hand.
“Well I’m not sure what this is going to be…”
I muttered the lyrics to myself as I headed for the backyard where Jupiter was anxiously waiting for me.
Just a few hours earlier it had been a lot darker. Just a few hours earlier it had been a lot colder. And just a few hours earlier…
“Hold my breath as you’re moving in…”
“Hey Jupiter.” I greeted in between the song’s lines.
Jupiter neighed and practically shoved his head into me. I laughed.
“Sorry bud, I was out all night. That’s why I didn’t come say good night.”
Jupiter snorted as if that wasn’t a good excuse.
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what happened.” I said with a smile as I started brushing his side. Jupiter couldn’t care less, but I could still feel….I could still remember clearly.
“Taste your lips and feel your skin…”
I don’t know why exactly that particular song was stuck in my head (I’d heard it last a good few weeks ago), but it was and I was remembering the lyrics with ease, singing a little louder as the rhythm came back to me.
Songs had always come easy to me, I could usually remember half the lyrics after the first listen. It’s because of that, that I wanted to be a singer when I was a little! That was a very quick phase though.
“When the time comes-” Jupiter must’ve gotten annoyed with my singing because he grabbed my shirt in his mouth and pulled on it.
“Okay! Okay! I get it!” I said shaking him off. “I’ll just stop being happy for your convenience. Does that work for you?”
Jupiter neighed what sounded like an agreement.
I rolled my eyes and pulled out a treat for him.
“Here you go.”
Jupiter looked at me as he ate, giving me a look.
“Yes when I get back from school we’ll go for a ride.”
“Even though I’m crazy tired! Just for you, we’ll go for a ride.” I said, feigning being tired even though I felt quite the opposite.
Jupiter nudged me and snorted in my shirt.
I petted his forehead, kissed him and then left for school.
I was a weird mixture of nervousness and excitement.
I’ll see you at school.
“YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING CAN’T YOU!? YOU WILL NEVER COME BACK LATE AGAIN DO YOU HEAR ME?” My mom screeched at me once she’d had enough of shoving me around. “Let this serve you as a lesson! If I catch you coming back THIS LATE again I’m getting your father involved! Now go to your room!”
She grabbed my arm and threw me at my bedroom door. Without a word, I opened it and escaped inside.
She doesn’t actually give a damn. If I hadn’t walked in on her and a few friends doing drugs and smoking she probably wouldn’t even have glanced at me.
But I did and now she thought I’d ruined her whole night and she’d told her friends to screw off so she could beat me up because obviously I knew better than to interrupt her and her friends when they’re hanging out and I could’ve at least waited outside until they’d all gone before coming in and it’d would’ve all been easier if I had come back home on time and what the hell was I doing out anyways and next time I dare to be out late she’s going to bring dad into this which means everything is going to be twice if not three times as worst as it just was.
I slammed my head against my door as I tried not to cry. I had no control though, and even if I beat my lower lip harshly a few tears still trickled down my bruised cheeks.
I pushed myself off the door and sat on my bed.
I gingerly touched my wounds, but it was clear to me that my face looked like a mess. If only she hadn’t hit my face. If only she’d stuck to bruising my side…then I could’ve been somewhat presentable for school.
I sniffled involuntarily and hid my head in my hands, afraid my mom had heard the noise. Tears were still streaming down my face and even if it was almost 3 am I didn’t feel sleepy at all.
So I stayed sitting on my bed waiting for the tears to stop and my face to stop hurting, all the while knowing that if I really couldn’t deal with it…if I really felt too much like crap…I had a possible comfort hidden under my bed.
Eventually the hours ticked by and it had long since passed school time. But I’d already decided not to go. I didn’t really know what I’d do instead, but I didn’t want to show up with this face.
By tomorrow I might be able to apply some makeup to hide most of it. Maybe.
My phone buzzed and I lazily took it out of my pocket and stared.
Xav: You okay?
Erin: I’m fine.
I texted back.
Xav: See u tomorrow?
It was practically routine now. I’m not at school so he suspects something happened. He texts me, I tell him it’s fine even though I know he knows it isn’t, and then that’s it. I’m not expecting more. Hell I’m happy it’s this short! I wasn’t happy when we got our first phones and he kept texting me telling me he knew everything wasn’t okay and bla bla bla bla.
I closed my eyes to try and take a nap, but then my phone buzzed again. Confused, I looked at the new text.
Oli: hola! ur not @ school!
I stared at my phone for a few seconds wondering how the hell Oliver was texting me before I remembered we’d all exchanged phone numbers.
Oli: x said u were sick
Erin: buzz off
I texted and then snapped my phone shut.
Why would he even…Why did he keep trying to budge in my life?? I’d made it clear I didn’t want anything to do with him. I already have enough of Xavier getting mad at me for not telling him where I lived.
My phone buzzed again.
I flipped on my bed and refused to answer. But soon enough my phone buzzed again.
Oli: what do u mn buzz off?
Oli: hey u still there?
Oli: is this like a grl thing?
Oli : 😀
Erin : don’t you have anything better to do like GO TO CLASS
Oli: nope! took a toilet break
Erin: youre texting from the bathroom!? Ew stop it
I flipped my phone shut and grunted in annoyance before throwing my phone onto the nightstand.
It buzzed again, rattling loudly on the table. I groaned trying to block out the sound with my pillow, but eventually gave up and took the phone again.
Oli: im not peein!
Oli: or poopin
Oli: took a break to text u
I texted after a few seconds of eye rolling.
But then there were no more texts. I checked my phone in case I hadn’t heard the phone buzz, but Oliver had stopped texting me. He’d probably left thinking I wasn’t going to text him back since I’d taken so long. I felt a bit angry that he hadn’t replied back. But then I stopped myself.
Had I actually been anticipating one of his texts?
God! What a horrible idea!
I turned my phone off, tossed it on the floor, and then rolled over to try and take a nap.
We still hadn’t finished the paintings we’d started last week and I doubted we’d finish them this class either.
Okay maybe one of the girls would. They looked pretty into their painting and stuff, but me…I wasn’t really into painting at that moment.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Edmund.
And sometimes it wasn’t really nice. I was more confused than anything else at this point. I had one more class after this and then it was time to go home and well…
I have one class with Edmund, before lunch. I hadn’t quite known what to expect, but I know it wasn’t a cold shoulder. Edmund avoided me! Purposefully! I swear he did his best to never look in my direction. I didn’t know what to think of it and I didn’t even see him for lunch. Oliver said he went off to study.
Ugh, the day was starting to catch up to me. I still had that nasty feeling from this morning, though it wasn’t as bad now. It’s like a weird sort of stomach bug that I get a few times a month. You know thinking about it…when I get them Erin is hardly ever at school.
Geez, I love my best friend, but I doubt it’s to the point of getting stomach aches when she’s not around.
“Um…Xavier?” Teo asked, putting his paintbrush down.
“You’re friends with Xenia right?” Teo asked nervously. I hesitated in my painting, slightly confused.
“Yeah I guess.” I replied. I didn’t really know her that well.
“…do you know if she has a boyfriend?” Teo asked after a few seconds.
I glanced at him, then back at my painting, and then back at him. And then at my paintbrush. And then back at him.
Erin had called it, but I hadn’t entirely realized it.
“You like Xenia?” I finally ended up replying.
Teo’s face turned red and he squeaked out a ‘yes’.
“Well I’m sorry, I don’t know enough about her to help you out. You should probably ask her yourself.” I said.
Teo silently nodded. He was about to turn back to his painting when he seemed to remember something. He pulled out a picture and handed it to me.
“It’s the picture Oliver forced us all to take remember?” Teo said. Oh yeah I remembered, we filled about half of his camera because he kept not being happy with the results.
“Well Oliver made a bunch of copies. This is yours.” Teo said and I took it from his hands as he went back to painting.
With a smile, I stuffed the picture in my pocket.
I went back to trying to concentrate on getting this drawing done with already but…
I was thinking about Edmund again.
I just needed to know! Had I done something wrong? Why was he avoiding me? Maybe he was still drunk this morning and now he regrets us kissing? I don’t know why and it’s eating me inside.
My eyes went from the clock back to my painting.
He had a spare right now.
Or well he did Friday at this exact same time. He probably has one now. Studying at the chill out room. Or the library.
I put my paint stuff down and headed out the door, telling the teacher I was just taking a bathroom break.
I almost ran out of the class, heading straight for the stairs in the cafeteria.
I’ll check the chill out room and if he’s not there then…I’ll just come back to class and leave it be. If he wants to ignore me then so be it.
Maybe the kiss hadn’t been for him what it had been for me.
Or you know maybe I just imagined the whole thing. We did down a good few beers at Oliver’s party…I could’ve still been drunk and made something up.
But I doubt I made up Erin interrupting. No, if this had been a dream Edmund wouldn’t even have left.
But then that just brings me back to…why is he avoiding me?
Once I reached the chill out room I opened the door and peered inside…
I held my breath as I spotted the head of dark red hair.
My fingers still remembered the softness of his hair and my nose the nice scent of his shampoo.
I watched him, not making any noise, as he read his textbook. His shoulders were squared off in concentration and he made no noise whatsoever. You could only hear the crackling of the fire and the pages of his textbook when he turned them.
I really hoped he wasn’t avoiding me and that I’d just made a mountain out of a molehill.
I cleared my throat.
Edmund straightened up abruptly liked he’d just been caught doing something really bad.
I couldn’t contain my laughter at his reaction as he looked frantically around the room for a few seconds before his eyes landed on me.
His eyes widened and then he sprung to his feet.
“Xavier!” He exclaimed, but I’d avoided his eyes at that point fearing he’d say something along the lines of ‘The kiss? Didn’t mean anything. It was 2 am what did you expect? Sane decisions?’
I still managed to force a few words out. “You’ve been avoiding me…”
I finally looked up and saw the remnants of a smile become a nervous expression. It hit me then, that he’d been smiling.
“It’s not that I didn’t…I…this morning…” Edmund was stumbling over his words, now too nervous to even look at me.
So wait…he hadn’t…? He also…
My mind was as jumbled as his words.
“Edmund.” I said before he continued to mumble incoherently.
His eyes finally snapped to mine and I held his gaze for a few seconds before giving a small smile. To let him know I wasn’t mad. How could I be when he acted like that?
He sent back a relaxed smile and I took a step forwards. Then he did the same.
Before we knew it we’d met up half way.
“It’s my turn to ask.” I murmured when we were just inches apart.
“You don’t need to. The answer’s yes.” He cut in with a gorgeous smile.
My heart skipped a beat.
And then we were kissing again.
My hand found his soft hair as our mouths explored the other’s. It was like no time had passed at all. Our lips had met this morning and now they were just continuing an unfinished conversation.
I thought the first one had been magical, wonderful, but somehow the second one trumped it.
I lost myself into him, holding him, sharing a breath, inhaling his scent…
And then, with one last long kiss, we pulled apart.
But not by much.
Our foreheads touched and our eyes met. I couldn’t keep the happiness off my face, the happiness of what this was turning out to be.
“I like kissing you.” Edmund admitted in a voice only I could hear.
“No sense talking about it then.” I said, smirking as he gave me a confused look.
I grabbed his hands and pulled him in for another kiss.
Each time just kept getting better and better.
I’d had a crush on Edmund the first day I’d met him, but I repressed that for obvious reasons. But now that I had this new version of him in my arms those feelings came rushing back to me stronger than ever.
I wanted to do this every day. I wanted to kiss him just like this every time I saw him.
Edmund pulled back, looked away like he was trying to gather up some courage, and then looked back at me with a slightly nervous smile.
“Can we…keep this between us?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Just for now!” He quickly added. “I just need to figure some stuff out.”
Figure stuff out?
“Keep this between us?” I asked, trying to wrap my mind around what that meant.
“Yeah, like not tell anyone. Not even the others.” Edmund said, checking my face to see my reaction.
“So you really were avoiding me.” I said.
There was a small silence before Edmund replied. “I’m sorry.”
“But…please? I really want this, but I can’t have anyone know for now.” He said.
Was he ashamed?
I couldn’t find a reason to say no to his eyes though.
“Okay.” I agreed.
With a smile Edmund leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the lips.
“I’m looking forward to this.”
*is so freaking happy for this couple* Best couple so far! Yes I totally say that every time, but it’s really true this time! Really T_T (it better since the point of this generation is to focus on romance) These two just hit me in the happy feels constantly.
Bathroom breaks sure are popular. >.>