What? Another early update? What is this?
Warning: Gore, visual and descriptive, PG-13
How do we perceive the world?
My name is Xavier.
We see, we hear, we smell, we taste and we touch. And all of these things mixed together gives us our perception of the world around us.
I was shot.
Yet…it feels like I have a sixth factor, a sixth object or piece of information, adding data to the mix. Why? Because I get impressions.
And I don’t remember why.
An impression that, even though I’ve lost my memories, I can definitely say that the world has never seemed this open to me. My mind has never been this clear, my body never this relaxed.
An impression that, contrary to what the doctor affirmed, I wasn’t shot in the stomach. That the scar sealing the hole in my abdomen wasn’t there due to the retrieval of a bullet. The impression that the action of taking whatever it was out of my stomach, was what was causing me to suddenly see the world differently.
An impression that, I am a witch, and a strong one. The strongest in this world. There is a harmonious flow in my body, that I only need to sit down and close my eyes to feel and visualize. A calm current of magic going from my head to my toes.
The impressions I get can be on a smaller level as well. The impression that my memories will return. The impression that my hospital door will open in a few minutes. The impression that the light in my room got burnt once, right after my surgery, when the magic inside me was still trying to stabilize.
The impression that Edmund, the man who was inside my room when I woke up, is more than he says he is.
Two days ago…
The door closed gently behind the doctor, leaving me alone in the room with this stranger. Though I was probably supposed to know him, I don’t! My mind is blank! I don’t know my age, why I’m here, who he is, who my family is, I don’t know anything.
What I do know is that both my shoulder and my stomach feel sore. The doctor said I’d gotten shot in both places. Me? Shot? What did I do? Who shot me? I don’t know anything!
Though, it’s pretty clear to me now that this man knows me.
“So…you lost your memories.” He said, still not quite believing it.
Who am I? He looks like a business man. Is he a colleague? No, colleagues don’t come see you at the hospital. Or maybe they do? He doesn’t look that bad…are we more than friends?
He cleared his throat uncertainly.
“I’ll let you recover.” He said, before heading for the door.
“Wait!” I exclaimed to the one person right now who could at least tell me a little about who I was. I moved too quickly to get up, and was forced back down with a groan, holding my side.
He came running back.
“Are you okay?” He asked, his hand reaching out, wondering if there was anything it could do.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I said as the pain subsided. I glanced at him, a grin forming on my lips. “Don’t be so quick to run off.”
I had expected a grin, maybe a small laugh, but instead I received a barely perceptible smile as his eyes drifted to the ground.
“I was hoping you could tell me a little bit about me. Since I don’t remember anything…would maybe ease the thousands of questions swirling in my head right now.” I said, giving him a friendly smile and hoping he would stop looking so tense.
“We can start simple, just tell me who you are? How we met…are we friends? I really don’t know. I just assume you know me. For all I know you’re an agent or something else.” I blabbered.
“I’m really nothing like that. Just your average middle manager. I work under my father in his company.” He said.
“That’s nice.” I said.
Didn’t really seem like he thought it was nice. “Yeah um…we are friends. Have been since, uh….highschool.” He said, looking really reluctant to say more.
“Um…well we haven’t actually seen each other in two years.”
“Oh! Really? But we kept contact right?”
He was silent for a few seconds. “No. We didn’t.”
“Not even an email?”
He took in a deep breath. “Life you know? It got busy.”
“Oh that’s unfortunate. Well sorry if it’s my fault. So I’m the kind of person who can’t do long distance huh?”
“What? No! It…it wasn’t you, it was me. I’m the one who got busy. I started working in my dad’s company and…yeah.” He said, looking positively lost, the next words coming out of his mouth like a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, it’s nothing bad. You were busy, I’m sure I understood. It happens that sometimes friends lose contact. Good to see we got back to being friends!” I said cheerfully, trying to lighten his mood.
“Do you know what happened to me?” I asked.
“I just know what everybody else does. There were huge light shows of magic and a gunshot at the docks, then someone called the ambulance to come pick you up.” He said.
“Just one shot?”
“Pretty sure yeah.”
“But the doctor said I got shot twice?”
“Oh…I must be wrong then.” He said, his eyes drifting off to the window.
“Am I a nice person? Or did I get shot because I’m sort of drug dealer or thug or whatever?” I asked after a few seconds.
“You? Yeah you’re definitely a nice person. You know,” His eyes drifted as he recalled a memory. Something I can’t do right now! “You used to get bullied in school. But you never fought back. You never tattle taled. You took it and went on like nothing happened, smiling with your friends.”
“And that makes me a nice person? Why didn’t I fight back? Getting bullied…that’s horrible.”
“Well, you did eventually. You cornered the bully and told him you’d had enough. Completely unbalanced him, I assure you! And then gradually, the bullying stopped until you became friends with him. Even went as far as dating him.” He said, a smile playing on his lips.
“Dating him?” I’m gay? That’s actually not a surprise at all. “I actually dated my bully?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what you saw in the guy either. He was really mean to you, even though you’d only wanted to be friends the first time you met. He made your life hell on certain points I’m sure, but when you two were alone…there was a sort of static in the air. During those times, I think he wasn’t able to be a bully. I think he was finally able to be himself when no one else was around. To be happy, and well nice? Maybe you saw that, I don’t know.” He said, looking content in his memory.
“What was his name?” I asked. The smile faded from his lips, and he swallowed with difficulty, glancing at his phone for the time.
“Sorry, but I actually have to head back now. Hope you recover soon.” He said, quickly getting up.
“What’s your name?” I said before he could leave.
“Please come back again Edmund.” I said with a smile.
“Yeah…okay.” He left the room.
One day ago…
I was scrolling through my phone, looking at all the contacts, and being mildly surprised that the name Edmund wasn’t listed. There was Tina, Charlie, Erin, Lilith, Xenia, Teo, Kyxa, James, Eina, Lem, Sam, Traz and Annaliese. But no Edmund.
He’d struck me as odd the day before. Too tense and nervous, like he couldn’t figure out if he should be feeling guilty or not. Yeah, I had the odd impression that he was feeling guilty the more we talked. Was it his fault I got shot? Did he shoot me? I don’t know. I really don’t.
I looked up from my phone to see a mop of bright orange hair peeking at me from behind a curtain. A girl’s bright golden eyes were staring at me intently as the door, which I hadn’t even realized had opened, closed silently.
I dropped my phone on my bed.
“Hello?” Was she one of the many names I didn’t recognize on my phone?
“Why?” She mumbled, retreating behind the curtain. “Why? It’s all I want to know.”
I advanced cautiously, half to not frighten her and half to not hurt myself again.
“Who are you? Do I know you?”
She suddenly erupted from behind the curtain, jabbing her finger at me.
“TELL ME! Tell me now!” She shouted, almost making me stumble backwards.
“What? Tell you what?” I quickly replied as I spotted her fangs. A vampire!
“Where is he? Where’s your dad? WHERE’S JAMES? It’s your fault!” She whined. “I just want justice! Is that too much to ask for!? IS IT?” She yelled, tears forming in her eyes.
“Uh no? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know who James is-” Though from what she was saying, I could safely assume he was my father.
“DON’T LIE! He would be dead. By now he would be dead. On the floor, the blood pouring out of him, his life dissipating just like Ry’s had. He would be dead. It would be over.” She insisted desperately.
“I can’t help you I’m sorry.” I said, but it only earned me another angry look.
“You could’ve not done what you did. Instead of protecting that murderer…you could’ve let him take the bullet. You wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t either, he’d be in a body bag.” She said, her voice starting to tremble. “I thought it would be over. It was perfect, he hadn’t noticed him. But you stopped the bullet, and James got out without a scratch. And now I don’t know what to do anymore! The immortal witch and the vampire king don’t care to associate with me again! That vampire recognized me! He knows me and Ry tried to take the Weapon from him a long time ago. He’ll want to off me! He won’t help me! But I want to avenge Ry. I need to.”
The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now.
“I don’t remember anything.” I said calmly. “There’s nothing I can do right now.”
“Use your powers then! Tell me where he is! Tell me so I can strangle him and be done with it!” She insisted, waving her sharp nails in my face.
“My powers…?” Seconds after I’d said the word, a deep unease appeared inside me. One that drove me to want to take several steps back.
“YES!! The reason why everything went wrong! It was all because you waved your arms around!” By then her hysteria had led her to grab my arms and dig her nails in my skin. I tried to pull away, just as the door opened. The yelling had no doubt attracted attention.
As two nurses gripped her waist to pull her away from me, she kept her grip on my arms as long as she could, her nails digging painfully in my arms, easily rupturing the skin.
“”Don’t worry, it looks a lot worse than it is. Did she hurt you anywhere else?” The nurse asked as she took out some bandages.
My eyes were glued to the frighteningly deep gashes on my arms as I shook my head slowly.
My vision was growing fuzzy, but not due to the pain which was only a constant throb. Maybe it was due to the tears pricking my eyes, or maybe it was the fact that all this red was making me think of a horrible dark scene of two adults bleeding on the ground, their blood dissipating into the puddle of a broken sink.
The scene was ripped from my mind as the nurse started to clean my wounds.
Geez…what type of life have I had? That it’s the sight of blood that brings back memories?
I pushed myself off the bed, wincing a little at the pain in my shoulder, stomach and arms, as the door opened. The nurses had told me I should stop moving around so much, but staying in bed was incredibly boring. At the very least they’d said they’d get me some paper and a pencil, so I could draw calmly in bed. When they asked me if there was a book I wanted to read, I told them I actually would rather draw then read. And that brought back memories of drawing plants and animals outside. And boy that made me happy to know my loss of memories really wasn’t permanent.
This day’s visitor was a bright oranged haired fairy. So far I’d only seen that hair once, and that was on the girl who’d tried to rip my arms off yesterday. But I didn’t get the impression that she was as probable to go crazy on me.
“I’m so sorry it took me so long to come see you Xavier. I had to get James away from here, and he fought back more than I would’ve liked.” She said apologetically.
James? Isn’t that the name that vampire yelled at me? My dad?
“Obviously you haven’t heard, but I lost all my memories.” I explained, not surprised to see a shocked expression on her face.
“Really? Huh. Are you going to get them back?” She asked.
“Well so far it looks good. I remembered a little something today.” I said. “So, who are you?”
“Kyxa,” Wasn’t that one of the names in my phone? “We met really recently. Barely a week ago.”
“Wow, okay. So you won’t be able to tell me much?”
“Ahh, I still have a lot I could say. Do you remember how you got shot? That’s a silly question, you probably don’t. But I do.” She said with a smile.
And that’s how I found out I’d gotten shot by the sniper who was originally aiming for James, my dad. That somehow I blocked the bullet by releasing an incredible amount of unstable magic. I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I’d stumbled onto the scene looking sick and about to fall over. Kyxa suspects something must have happened right before, something that gave me all this excess magic. How I could’ve possibly gained more magic? She had no idea.
So then, I told her about the scary visit I’d gotten from that teenager, and about her blabbing about wanting me to tell her where James was.
“That was Catarina. She came here? She slipped out of my sight when you started attacking the sniper.” Kyxa said. “Oh right, Catarina is my daughter. But right now she’s being possessed. We were at the docks because you called us, saying Catarina had called you and told you to meet her there.”
“She was hysteric and looking pretty insane. Something about nobody helping her? Of some vampires recognizing her?” I said, frowning as I tried to recall her exact words.
“Sounds like she’s reaching the end of her rope,” Kyxa said with a small smile. “I’ve been looking for her for a while now, do you know where she went?”
“The nurses took her away. They might know where she is.” I said, trying to be helpful.
“I’ll go ask them after, but I have a question. How did you get that wound to your stomach?” She asked.
“Well…the doctor said I got shot there…” Kyxa frowned at my answer. “But I have the feeling it wasn’t because of a bullet that they opened me up.”
Her eyes suddenly widened in shock.
“They took it out…” She muttered, looking to the side as her thoughts ran wild.
“Took what out?” I asked. She bit her bottom lip.
“Your father made you swallow a bead when you were a toddler. One that protects you from mind control.”
“Mind control!?” That’s possible?
“But if they took it out, that means you’re vulnerable now. And Velor probably guessed at this point that you’re important to James…you’re going to have to cast a spell.” She affirmed as I tried to make sense of what she was saying.
“A spell? Sure I’ve pretty much figured out I’m a witch, but that doesn’t mean I remember how to cast spells…or which spell you’re even talking about.”
“With the power you have now, the spell should be easy for you. I’ll walk you through it. I know a little about witch craft. Just a bit.” Kyxa said.
“Wait, why do I need to cast a spell?”
“To protect you against mind control in case someone tries to control you.” Kyxa explained.
No harm there I guess.
With her help I managed to channel the magic I could feel inside me into my hands and give it a specific function: protection against mind control.
It felt weird and left my fingers feeling all tingly, but at the end I’d cast a bubble of protection around my room. One that I could feel was continuously using my magic to stay active, but it was only draining very small amounts.
“This’ll have to do. Good job. Now I need to find Catarina and that sniper, but don’t worry about a thing. Take the time you need to recover, and when you’re feeling all better, and if you want to, you can give us a call.” Kyxa said with a nod.
“Okay, thanks.” I said, and she smiled before leaving my room.
I sure know some weird people and I certainly wouldn’t qualify my life as boring so far.
To clear up some things, amnesia doesn’t actually work this way…a complete loss of memory isn’t common (in people who suffer from amnesia) and usually amnesia can lead to short-term memory loss among other complications. There are a lot of different types of memory loss, but Xavier’s is specifically (kind of) a case of ‘repressed memories’. There are a lot of factors that led to Xavier losing his memories, mainly: high levels of stress, sleep deprivation, drinking alcohol on a regular basis, over charged system because of the new powers he received, grief, and finally physical shock from being shot.
In the earlier chapter you could already see signs of it affecting him, mainly when he forgot how he got from where Serenity was to the middle of the road and such. Getting shot and releasing all that magic brought his mind over the edge and he passed out. To make sure he could make a full recovery his mind basically isolated the main problem out of all of those negative factors: his magic. So it decided to repress every single memory of his powers, and considering he’s known about them since he was a kid all his memories were put under lock down.
The more he physically heals, and the more his magic stabilizes inside him, he’ll have more and more access to his memories as they’re triggered by various events.