5.17 – Conditionned

Warning, some very slight nudity at the end.
Sariel’s POV

After the act, Rex grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes. I melted under his gaze.

“Sariel.” He began and I leaned in slightly. “I love you.”

The words shattered my dazed self. Rex was as good as not there anymore. The smile faded from my face and my brows furrowed.

Love?

Anger replaced the wonderful feeling I had in my heart.

“No.” I said, pulling my hand away. “No. no.”

I didn’t look at Rex’s surprised face. All I was aware of was this negative emotion that was filling my chest.

“Sariel?” Rex asked.

I got off the bed. Nope. The word just kept repeating itself in my brain.

Rex quickly got off the bed to meet me.

“Sariel, did I say something wrong?”

“You don’t love me!” I shouted the familiar words rolling off my tongue easily.  “Don’t say things like that! It’s never true!” These were words I had spent months yelling to Charles.

“Sariel-”

“Shut up and get out!” I yelled even louder. The edges my vision were getting fuzzy and the only thing I could concentrate on was the hard wall that had lifted up around my protesting heart.

“Okay.” He whispered after a few seconds passed.

I started to sob uncontrollably in frustration. The horrible angry feeling that made me curse in between sobs was still there.

This was exactly how I’d felt after every time I yelled at Charles. But Rex wasn’t Charles!

The front door opened and closed.

I desperately wanted to think. I wanted to quell the anger that was now directed towards me. But I couldn’t. My new job started today.

No matter how much I wanted to do it now, I’ll have to wait before I can untangle what just happened.

So I wiped my tears and put on some clothes.

***

Rosa barked at my arrival from work, but I needed to talk to a human.

“Mimi!” I called in a desperate voice.

“What’s wrong Sariel?”

“I did a horrible thing.” I said. All the anger had transformed into a horrifying amount of guilt. I spilled what I’d done and said to Miriam. Her first answer was a small sigh.

Then she opened her eyes and smiled.

“I guess I can sacrifice my night.” She said. I frowned.

“Go out, have a drink, just to calm your thoughts, and then tomorrow you can fix this.” She proposed.

“You want me to go and get drunk?” I asked.

“No, just take a few drinks. Just enough to make you forget for a few hours. It works miracles for me.”

I don’t know if that’s the best idea.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll stay and watch Mincia for as long as you need me to.” Miriam continued. I felt like seeing Mincia’s smile, but she was probably asleep.

“Okay, I guess. It would be best to clear my head before I did anything I would regret later.” I said. She’d convinced me.

Miriam gave me the address to a nice calm bar so I wouldn’t get bothered and called a taxi.

I feel horrible for what I said to Rex. I can’t figure out why I yelled at him like that. I yelled at him like he was Charles.

I’ve never been to a bar, but Miriam always made it sound like a place where you could put aside your worries for a night.

I sat down in front of the bar. A lady came and ordered a drink.

If I saw Rex now I would have no idea what to say.  Would he even forgive me for being so…mean? Right after he said I love you too. I can’t believe he said that.

I looked at the drink. Now I have to order one. But I’ve never consumed alcohol before. I don’t know what my tolerance level is.

I’d rather not get drunk. I’ve seen enough movies to know what happens when you get drunk, and I would really like to not have a hangover tomorrow. It is Mincia’s birthday after all.

Miriam’ll probably say I chickened out, but I’m pretty sure this is a reasonable decision. I’ll get myself a soda instead.

I felt a swish of air behind me and my eyelids suddenly grew heavy. Too heavy to lift.

I can’t remember what I was thinking about…probably nothing important.

A red haze settled over my mind.

A man sat down beside me and I managed to snap my eyes open. My head felt heavy and I started to slowly rock myself back and forth.

The man said something and my head snapped to him in surprise. I chuckled as I saw his sharp teeth. You don’t see that often.

He looks handsome.

What an odd thought to have. He doesn’t look like Rex so he can’t be that handsome.

I’m standing up? I feel like I passed out. I’m still talking to the sharp-toothed guy. When did we start a conversation? Something feels odd about this.

My head feels heavy. I feel like I could fall asleep anytime.

Where am I? What am I doing?

I don’t know what’s happening anymore.

This is bad. This is really bad.

T_T

It happened.

I’ve been planning this for weeks!

And now that it’s done I hate myself. *hides away*

I’m very proud of Sariel actually, the other dude kept rolling wishes for romantic things with Sariel and she didn’t roll a thing.